“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
-Wayne Dyer
One of the things I feel like life has been teaching me on this journey as a special needs parent is the importance of what really matters. I have come to realize that there are a lot of things that can rob my focus from the true things that matter. Just as I stated in my last blog post, life for me over these past five to six years has changed tremendously in ways I would have never imagined. It’s crazy how all your life you envision what you want your future to look like, and you plan things out and expect things to go a certain way; for some years, you may get what you expect, at least that was the case for me. But sometimes life throws you curveballs, and they change your perspective about life and help you realize the beauty of what is really important. You begin to live life differently because you realize the beauty of the value of each new day and how precious time really is.
It’s crazy how fast life changes. It’s humbling, hard, rocky, and beautiful all at the same time. But one thing I realize is that the changes and twists in your story are often what cultivate an appreciation and sensitivity to life that change your perspective on what really matters. After graduating from college, I wanted to go back to school and become a counselor, or at least that’s what I thought I wanted to do. That’s exactly what I had planned to do, but after having my first kid right out of college, I decided to take some time off and enjoy time at home and the opportunity to raise my daughter. Before taking time off, I was an independent living skills coach for a nonprofit, working with kids with mental health challenges. I absolutely loved it; it was the most beautiful and fulfilling opportunity I had, and it didn’t feel like work. I had been working there for five years and even took on a leadership position, which I felt was hard work but was amazing because I loved to lead and help develop people.
Once I had my first kid, life shifted for me. I was trying to balance the roles of being a wife, mom, friend, and college graduate and felt like I was just beginning to lose myself in rhythms of life. It was challenging but also somewhat beautiful at the same time. As my daughter began to grow, I felt so blessed to be able to have that time and really be present and help cultivate growth, but at the same time, I was struggling internally just feeling like there was so much more to life than just the mundane things. After my daughter made one, I decided to go back to working, and I found something that was very flexible, and over the years, it felt like a sweet spot because I could be at home raising my daughter while teaching English online to kids in China. The hours were early morning, but after I finished my class, I was able to go back to sleep and have the rest of the day off and free.
I really loved my job, and it didn’t really feel like work because I was so passionate about teaching and was able to learn a lot while having flexibility at the same time. I had my second daughter while having the flexibility to work from home online. I felt like the opportunity was a great blessing because I didn’t have to take off for long and was able to go back to working from home online. Over the years, I grew a lot, and it felt like I was in a sweet spot in life. Once my oldest daughter was around three to three and a half, life started to change a bit. I noticed she had a hard time maintaining her balance and would often fall. At first, I thought maybe she was just a little clumsy, but the falling became more consistent. After a while, I noticed her walking became wobbly, so we made an appointment with our pediatrician to discuss what we had noticed.
Life started to change after that one visit, and it turned into a journey of searching to find answers. Even after having our third kid, we didn’t have the answer because every test came back completely normal. Life was more challenging and overwhelming because we were in a constant state of trying to keep her safe in everyday life while trying to figure out exactly what was going on.
Something I feel this change in my story taught me was the importance of being present and living in the moment. I look back at all those years I was at home with my oldest daughter, and I am thankful I got to enjoy every moment of those healthy years with her – walking, running, talking, and just being a joyful little kid. I have learned to value and appreciate the close relationships in my life and be more present because of this.
Another thing I have learned is the importance of taking care of my health. It’s true what they say, “Health is wealth.” When you are healthy, you have the energy to show up mentally, emotionally, and physically not only for yourself but also for your family and those around you. Taking care of yourself makes you want to do better in life; it builds discipline, confidence, and courage, enabling you to go out and do what God has called you to do. After years of searching, we finally got a diagnosis not only for my oldest but also for my youngest daughter. The diagnosis really took a toll on me and my family.
Working out and taking care of myself is a lifestyle for me and my husband, and it has helped us have the energy and strong mental health needed for this journey. Both of my girls are in wheelchairs, so I have to be able to constantly lift, which is why strength training is so important for me. I also run, but it is more for the mental clarity and benefits that come with it. Creating a healthy lifestyle has helped us show up strong in this journey, although it is quite difficult.
Although life can be difficult, I have learned that it’s what you do with those difficulties that can either make or break you. It’s like you have to really learn how to turn lemons into lemonade. In the process, you start to realize what truly matters. So, what really matters? Time matters. Every moment is valuable; be intentional with your time and how you spend it. Create moments for rest, growth, and productivity throughout your days. Also, have moments where you do absolutely nothing but engage with the people around you without distractions. Every day won’t be perfect, but things can be more intentional, plus it reminds you to be aware and present.
I also discovered that family and relationships are important. We need people in our lives, and we were not created to do life alone. I am thankful for my support system and all the people in my life who pray for me, encourage me, and check up on me. I do my best to do the same because I realize the value of relationships. Relationships are hard to maintain, especially as an adult, but it’s worth it. When connecting with people, I learned that everyone is fighting some kind of battle, so it’s essential to give space when needed, forgive often, and give a lot of grace because life is hard for us all in some capacity. We should give people the same grace we would want for ourselves because we never know the internal battle they are fighting. I have learned to be gracious, kind, and discerning with people because it’s crucial to know who and what you are connecting with.
Lastly, I have discovered that focus is important, because what you focus on will grow and expand. I have learned that when I focus on creating positive, healthy habits in my life, I begin to see the fruit of those healthy habits. Focusing on staying disciplined has helped me to grow and develop, and has helped to change my perspective about life and this journey. My everyday life is hard, so the last thing I need is to lack discipline. Focus is so critical for life. For my girls, although they are in wheelchairs, I do not focus on their limits; instead, I shift my focus to what they can do and help build and develop those strengths, and I notice how encouraged they are to try and learn. When we focus on the positive side of life and lean into that, it becomes transformational.
Whatever it is that you are experiencing in life, I want to challenge and encourage you to focus on what really matters to you. My focus and your focus may be different because our paths are different, but I would say let your focus be intentional. Discover your values and hold tight to them. Stop allowing life to strip away your peace and fight to create a life you want to see by focusing on what really matters. The journey won’t be easy, but the fight will be worth it. Thanks so much for reading; I truly appreciate your support.
Intentional Hope 